I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
