just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
