I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
