she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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