I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
