We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
