I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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