There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
