I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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