I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Did I show you my penis last night?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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