Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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