I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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