Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just invented taco cereal.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
