We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
