that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
