I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
