that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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