so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Are we still banned from the library?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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