coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
