Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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