I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
