his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You are the jesus of drinking
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
