you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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