i permit you to call me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
