In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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