You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We named our party play list daddy issues
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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