eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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