He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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