in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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