If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
