You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Buhtt sex?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
