i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
