I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
