You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
