If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
