OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The best revenge is premature balding
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize