New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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