So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
