i would punch a child for taco bell
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
