I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
