WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
