Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
