I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
