Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
