he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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