my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
