Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't deserve a penis
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
