how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
