do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize