a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
