So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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