yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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