he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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