I'll bet she douches with gravy.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
