Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
