it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
