I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So here I am, sexting at work.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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