My hand turned me down
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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