You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
