considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
