I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think I sprained my soul last night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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