Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she smelled like a LAN party
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
