Pregnant stripper...not hot.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
